I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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