Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
