What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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