last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
