I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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