she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
