Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
