Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
