ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
