Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
