ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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