He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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