Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
