i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
