you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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