Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
