He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
