I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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