we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
