I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
