I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This baby is an asshole
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
