Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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