I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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