Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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