Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
