I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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