come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
