youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
