He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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