Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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