Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
