WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's on the porch naked. Help.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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