So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
