I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
