he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
