weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
