oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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