I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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