You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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