i don't like sucking hair
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
