I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
