I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
