I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
