i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
