I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
