I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
