the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
