I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
