it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
