Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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