If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
