she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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