So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
