I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We need to rekindle our bromance
so let's talk penis.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
