Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
