someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
