great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You are the jesus of drinking
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
