Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
